2026
2026-09-19
The second week of my treatment is nearing its end. I feel grounded and simultaneously energized like i didn't feel in a looong time. Simultaneously every day is a bit more sadder then the one before because i miss home and my better half a little bit more. I think I'm nearing the convergence point where the happy line crosses the sadness line. And i know, that I learned a lot while here, I just hope that the knowledge is suitable for day to day living. It wouldn't be the first time that my good ideas and intentions came to a halt after not even a week. At least I started reading a bit more again, that is always a plus. And I had the time and emotional energy to listen to myself and trying to find some answers regarding my own open gender questions. I also read up some legal info on some things regarding transition. That made me really sad and anxious again. After this treatment I will get in touch with some local support groups and counseling centers to get my stuff in order. And to determine the next few steps I could take on that front. When this is done I will take my time to determine if my current employment is still what I need at this point. Lot on my plate, but I will take it step by step and try not to feel overwhelmed again. At least the planing tips I learned here should come in handy here.
2026-08-08 Last days of summer
Tomorrow is the last day of my vacation. The last weeks where filled with productivity and recreation, so I feel like my batteries aren't completely full but a good chunk recharged at least. And this time I actually was able to stop myself from thinking to much about work and what awaits me when I get back. I also started dreaming again. More or less a double edged sword but I take it as a sign that I am not completely drained anymore. Yeah to that. Another big thing that happened was last week. While still away in another town some family members (myself included) and some people I didn't knew met to play a board game. My family knows about my struggle with gender and my starting transition. But it was the first time that I got introduced as my self and didn't need to boymode (like I do at work every day). And I felt light and easy like I never felt before. This gave me such an immense boost, I had the bravery to start wearing makup regually. All in all it were some really great days.
2026-06-27 Now its too hot
Yeah, it stopped being nice. Just existing out in the open is nice, but every step that has to be taken is one step too much. Sadly, I still have some renovation to do so tomorrow will be funny i guess. At least the forecast says something about rain and a temperature drop. Hope they won't get corrected by reality.
I can't wait for the day that I don't have a dozen task on my list, all of whom are correctly really important and are due around the same time.
2026-06-23 It's getting hot in here
I am trying to take everything with a more positive leaning attitude than I had in the past. There are a lot of things I have to keep up with, and a lot of tasks I need to keep an eye on, but I don't want o approach everything like its the next catastrophe in the making
The last few month feel like I was just some leaf barely staying afloat on a wild and uncaring current. This has to end, I need to stay on top of my own life, not the other way around.
This does mean that I have to make appointments and calls that I tried my best to push away and ignore. Although some, if not all would actually help decrease the mental load and number of tasks I have to bear with.
2026-06-18 This took some time
The last few weeks were something. I'm just now starting to get back on track. Health related stuff and work stuff did their things and just took the last ounce of motivation that I had scraped together and flushed it down the toilet. But with the warm weather my motivation came back. That is something I am currently really glad about.
I also had some social interactions outside my work and family, which helped with the overall mood. If everything goes to plan I will attend a queer meet up this weekend, fingers crossed... I still don't know what direction all of this should take but at least I should be able to free some brain resources to figure these things out.
Thanks and byeeee ^-^
2026-04-21 Yeah, its a first Entry!
Hurray, something new. Need to decide how I want to add new entries to this online journal...
Everything Tarot
Something important